Today was good to begin with, and end with. But the middle was kinda iffy. I have a lot of work to do before boot camp, but this was a start, and an eye opener.

I get to the recruiting office and Staff Sergeant is in a bad mood because no one comes to the meetings, And i get in a horrid mood because i feel like i've failed as guide in my attempt to call those who aren't consistant in replying to my e mails or calling their recruiter or wednesdays. But it starts out like any other, we circle up, and well...thats the extent of the normality ...

We had...god i don't even know how many Marines running around, other than recruiters. But everyone, the recruiters and our class instructor all decided that they are going to really bump up the PT and teach like a drill instructor. Aw man, they totally kicked our asses today. I feel like i totally and completely failed because i couldn't do all the push ups, i could hardly do 15 counts (which in sense if 30). And i don't want to use the excuse that i'm female, i'm motivated i should be able to do the 25 counts they want us to. But they kept making us do those push ups and i just couldn't do it...my body just stopped, it gave up on me, i could hardly raise my arms, i have a tension head ache from the back and neck muscles tensing up...I hate failing, i hate it, i need to be able to do this.

We stopped and went on a short formation run only to circle up in a nearby area and do it again. I had one of the Marines telling me i was getting my ass fired from guide, because i couldn't even do the pushups or the mountain climbers. I don't know if i was sweating or crying, but something was dripping down my face. When we ran (sprinted) back to the recruiting station i almost threw up, i gaged but nothing came because i had nothing in my stomach.

God, i totally and completely failed, i've managed not to cry so far, so thats good, but god knows i'm so freakings disappointed in myself. it was like...an EPIC FAIL! *sigh* just goes to show that just because i can pass the PFT doesn't mean I'm ready for boot camp.

And don't anyone dare tell me that you can just not go into the Marines, you can flack. Because even through all the pain and harrassment I never once thought about quitting. My body is just a piece of ass crap right now...but i'll improve.